Julie M. Hill

Warning Signs of an Abuser:

1. Pushes for Quick Involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
    
2. Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.
    
3. Controlling: Interrogates you about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to do anything.
    
4. Unrealistic Expectations: Expects you to meet his or her every need.
    
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.”
    
6. Blames others for problems or mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault.
    
7. Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says “You make me angry,” instead of “I am angry,” or, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”
    
8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is mad.
    
9. Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. May expect kids to do things far beyond their ability. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
    
10. “Playful” use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
     
11. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
     
12. Rigid Gender Roles: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
     
13. Sudden mood swings: switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
     
14. Past Battering: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.
     
15. Threats of violence: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “I didn’t really mean it.”

If you believe that you are a victim of domestic violence, you are encouraged to contact our office to obtain information on your legal rights and options.

Julie M. Hill, J.D., C.F.L.S., L.C.S.W.
Certified Family Law Specialist
Licensed by the State Bar of California
Licensed Clinical Social Worker